I have been thinking a lot about consistency lately. Motivation has felt beyond my grasp and I have to find other ways to get myself to move forward.
Earlier this month I came across this illustration by Liz Fosslien and it was side-by-side graphs. The graph on the left showed a line that went up and down and even went straight but didn’t show any kind of pattern but an erratic one. Below read the words “relying on motivation.” The graph on the right however showed a line that climbed evenly like a staircase and below had the words “relying on consistency.”
It was also attached to an article on Linkedin by Paritosh Kumar and added to this by saying “Goals are meant to be set and achieved at a linear pace.” That motivation can be a fleeting feeling and in order to achieve success was to just show up every day.
But like all things, consistency has layers. The wonderful Taryn Pascal posted recently about consistency and it went deeper. They brought up that consistency is a privilege. Most people cannot just show up every day. That requires access, the time and money to do it, the space and safety to achieve it. The list can go on. They also touched on the fear of not being able to show up as they are.
After reflecting on all this, what I came to is realizing that consistency needs to be based on realistic expectations within my reach and basing it on a goal that has a deeper connection to my overall mental health instead of short term relief. To understand what days I need to show up for myself and when I need to show up for others. To have space for being afraid and acknowledging those feelings as I show up. To reach for liberation from what has always been forced upon me.
I also found my need for consistency heavily intertwined with my desire for community. Lately, I have been grieving the loss of community—but not regretting having left it. Because I no longer wanted to show up as only part of myself to be accepted. Because I no longer wanted to support that the only voices that were being heard were the ones who continually ignored the most marginalized and erased. The same voices who make no effort to uplift and amplify others.
I simply asked those in my community for accountability. But instead was met with silence. Defensiveness. And that in order for me to continue being included, I should stop challenging others to acknowledge how they might be causing harm and excluding so many others. That I should just keep supporting this community “as is” and to never question that could do better.
So I decided to no longer participate. But I was crushed, because my effort to show up for myself meant that others would stop showing up for me. In the end, the people who I thought were my support system could not let go of their privilege.
Then, the universe gifted me two new people I met recently and it gave me new hope.
The first, we connected after sort of knowing each other for years, but finally met officially for the first time. We spoke about how they had built their business by cultivating a community based on their values, which meant building something that wasn’t for everyone. It also meant attracting like-minded clientele. Those who openly and bravely stood against bullying, exclusion and genocide. As for accountability within that community, it was simply about being open to making mistakes that were necessary in order to create growth and understanding.
The second, surprised me. I did not know them personally, but when introduced to them, they simply proclaimed, “Yeah, I know you.” and for some reason I immediately felt as if we had known each other for years. I did not have to feel guarded as I usually do when I meet someone new. They shared that they have been trying to build a community, but they couldn’t do it alone. And without hesitation, asked me to be a part of it. Not just to join in, but to help cultivate it.
Meeting these people helped me realize something about community. That I needed to stop bending over backwards to build community with people who did not share my values. That I needed to stop centering others who did not want to be held accountable or challenged to do better. That my community lies within those who not just share my values, but are willing to build it, experience discomfort and let go of privilege and be vulnerable with me.
I can be consistent if I show up as myself. I can show up as myself and nurture community. I can nurture community by showing up for them. I can show up for them because I know what it's like to be standing alone.